Dana: Call your mother. Please. Quickly.
In the past two days, I’ve received three voicemail messages on the unused, unplugged, canceled home phone I posted about a couple of weeks ago.
I didn’t listen to the first message. I recognized the number; it’s an area code for rural West Tennessee. This woman has called a couple of times before looking for Dana or Deanna or something like that. But a second message came in Monday afternoon, and a third on Monday evening. The third one:
“Dana, please call your mother. I want to make sure you’re OK.” Yikes. Is Dana missing? Is she hurt? Maybe I should let her mother know Dana isn’t getting her messages.
Here’s how the conversation went. (It’s not as long as it looks. ^_^)
(Presumably) Dana’s mother: Heeeello? <– incredible Southern accent
Me: Hi there. Look, I keep getting phone calls for Dana on a phone line I don’t use anymore. I’ve had this phone number for several years, but there’s no Dana here, and I just want to make sure you’re able to reach her.
Dana’s mother: [long pause ... longer pause]
Me: Uh, hello?
Dana’s mother: Oh, the TV was up and somebody was talking in the background. I didn’t catch any of that. Could you repeat it?
Me: I’ve received several voicemails for Dana, and understand you’ve been trying to reach her, but I’ve had this phone number for several years and she’s not at this phone number.
Dana’s mother: You’re trying to reach Dana? I don’t know how to reach her.
Me: Yes, I’m starting to see that. Your phone messages for her are coming to my phone number.
Dana’s mother: Well, every time I call her, it goes to this automated message machine.
Me: Yeeees, and that’s my phone number, not hers.
Dana’s mother: Can you give them to her?
Me: No, I don’t know her, and your message said you were trying to check on her, so I want to let you know she’s not getting those messages.
Dana’s mother: Yes, she lives in the city.
Me: [confounded ... What do I say?]
Dana’s mother: Dana broke her arm and I want to make sure she’s OK.
Me: Ah, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I can’t reach her for you.
Dana’s mother: I don’t know how those wires get crossed. If you get any more messages for Dana, just delete them. No harm done.
Me: Will do. And you’re welcome to keep leaving those messages.
Dana’s mother: OK.
Me: [confounded again] … But I’m not going to be able to give them to Dana.
Dana’s mother: OK.
Me: Uh … well then … you have a good evening.
Dana’s mother: Have a good evening.
WHAT THE HEY?! I DON’T KNOW DANA. AND I WAS KIDDING ABOUT YOU LEAVING MORE MESSAGES FOR HER.
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