What cultural divide?

Indian Yoga
American Yoga

Priorities

Things Paul and I need to do this weekend: Mow the yard. Edge the yard. Pull up from the garden those funny-looking plants I don't recognize. Wash the dishes. Shop for groceries.

Things we've actually accomplished: We've eaten omelets. He's gone to the lab. I just finished The Da Vinci Code, which I started reading yesterday.

He says it's been a long time since he's seen me devour a book that fast, which is true, but at the cost of completing some serious yardwork and household chores. Perhaps we should hire a maid ... you know, in the interest of keeping our priorities in order.

Stuffing stuff in your unstuffed brain

It's been four years since I graduated from college. Four years. Sometimes I'm so jealous of Paul because I want to be back in school, stuffing my brain full of knowledge-y goodness.

I still spend time reading ... a lot of time reading. During the day, it's legal notices and real estate deeds. At night, it's Digg and Slashdot and CNET and SA and Bloomberg (which I read online and occasionally force Paul to watch on TV). ::grins::

In all of that reading, I pick up lots of random information. Today, I learned the ins and outs of a commercial syndicated mortgage. More importantly(?!), I learned that Nintendo's next console has been named Wii. Learning about real estate AND video games all in the same day? Now THAT'S what I call a well-rounded education!

Oh, who am I kidding? Did I mention I miss being in school?

There is some hope, though: I've discovered Berkeley on iTunes. The University of California-Berkeley has released a bunch of audio courses you can stick on your iPod or listen to at your desk. Physics. History. Electrical engineering. It's all there ... free. Even cooler, you can download UCB guest lectures, symposiums, and roundtables. I've picked up a few journalism-related lectures, including "The (Real) State of the Union," and "Being Opinionated in America." Interesting stuff.

It's nice audiobabble for the commute. (Certainly beats talk radio!)

In the same vein, B&N University's next session starts May 1. If you haven't taken one of their online courses, give it a shot. Most of them have a textbook (guess where you can buy it?), but most of the time, you can navigate the online readings and discussions without the book. Oh, and again, the courses are free. There are, like, 30 classes this session, including "Forensics with Court TV," "Understanding Islam Today," and "Learn Wine Basics with Morrell & Company."

Man, I am so going to be a smartypants.

And now for something completely different...

I know I'm totally L33T, and here's the proof:

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology.

You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win.

Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite, and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Slice 'em, dice 'em, any way you like 'em

Something Awful yesterday had a transcript of a Cutlery Corner episode that's just too funny.

My favorite part of the transcript:

"Look at the finish on these tridents."
"Those are the tridents that Gladiators and…and…"
"Mermen."
"Gladiators and Mermen use, but with a professional mirror finish. I mean look at it."
"Look at it, like it's liquid metal."

For the uninitiated, Cutlery Corner is a knife sales show on PAX network. I caught it on TV once while channel-surfing and found it absolutely fascinating. It's like QVC for crazy people. Crazy bug-eyed people who like knives.

It's definitely worth gawking at. You can access the Cutlery Corner main page here, but it's much more fun to watch live streaming video of today's show or a Webcast of yesterday's show.

Among the amazing double-edged deals: $85 for this 33-piece set titled Outdoors With Humor. Outdoors with humor?? What does that mean anyway?

Catfight!

I am collecting photos of Fred faster than you can say, "Here kitty, kitty." I think I'm going to be one of those parents with the double-thick fold-out wallet of embarrassing photos of my kid wandering around the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to his butt.

I hadn't intended on posting about my cat again. (I mean, hey, there's only so much kitty cuteness the Internet can handle!) But after my last post, in which I mentioned I might be losing Fred, I feel the need to elaborate ... and kvetch.

Saturday night, Paul and I went to Petco to buy a tag for Fred's collar. It has her name and my cell phone number on it. If you're like those very crafty and totally believable folks on CIS (snortle, snortle), you can ZOOM-ENHANCE this photo until my cell phone number is clearly visible. Then you can prank call me and pretend to be ... well, anybody you want. After all, you're making the prank call.

Anyway, Fred left the house Saturday night with her shiny new collar. Sunday afternoon, I had this voicemail on my cell phone (transcribed verbatim):

[In a nasally teenage valley girl voice] "Hey, I don't know who this is, but MY kitten, someone put a collar on it and it says, um, Freeeed and [my phone number]. And I just wanted you to know that is MY kitten. Didn't have a collar on her, but, um, so... just call me back at [her phone number]. Thank you. Bye."

My initial reaction was: [cringe] "I'm going to lose Fred to some 13-year-old girl."
My second reaction: [smirk] "I can't believe she didn't have a collar on her cat."
My final reaction: [lightbulb going off] "If she didn't have a collar on 'her' cat, then how is it hers?"

I asked Paul to call the girl back, and he did ... three times. She doesn't seem interested in discussing it. Fine. Whatever. I'd like to say that means it's case closed, but when Fred is late showing up for dinner, I start to worry she's been locked up at the house with the racist statue out front. Blargh.

Here's the way I read it: Fred is one of five stray cats who chow down at my house regularly or occasionally. Four are girls (Fred, Derf, Bob, and Ringo) and one is a boy (Karl Marx). Don't ask about my naming schema. Okay, ask. But I don't have a good answer. Anyway, I'm feeding these five cats, and only one -- Derf -- occasionally wears a collar. As far as I'm concerned, stray cats are fair game. Who gave this girl the right to bitch and moan about "her" cat ... when she admits she didn't have a collar on it?

The reason for I collared Fred is simple: She's getting ready to be spayed and chipped. If I'm paying her $300 vet bill, she's going to have a collar. With a name tag. And my phone number. If other families want to feed her, great. Paul and I can't be home all the time, and that's a nice gesture. But when one of my neighbors inevitably calls animal control to pick up the influx of strays that have descended on our neighborhood, I want Fred to be tagged as my cat and not just another stray.

Paul and I have become quite attached to this little girl. She makes me smile, and she gives me a reason to rush home at night. ("Go out for a beer? No thanks ... I need to feed my cat.") I don't think I'm overreacting here, but that's why I have you guys: You keep it real.

"I know I've seen you out and about (when I used to go out)..."

So I did the MyHeritage Face Analyzer McThingy (see De's site). Basically, you upload photos of yourself, and the MyHeritage facial recognition tools tell you the 10 celebrities you most resemble.

I analyzed three photos of myself, and here are the results:

(1.) Geena Davis (66%), Son Ye-jin (66%), Woranuch Wongsawan (60%), Neve Campbell (57%), Kate Bush (56%), Prince Harry of Wales (54%), David Schwimmer (54%), Catherine Zeta-Jones (53%), Alyson Hannigan (53%), Ha Ji-won (53%)

(2.) Amelie Nothomb (75%), Kim Cattrall (62%), Bunko Kanazawa (60%), Maxim Gorky (60%), Michelle Yeoh (58%), Steve Fossett (57%), Susan Sarandon (57%), Kelly McGillis (57%), Ha Ji-won (55%), Jared Leto (54%)

(3.) Elisha Cuthbert (67%), Sammi Cheng (66%), Rachel Bilson (66%), Melanie Griffith (64%), Liv Tyler (64%), Rachael Leigh Cook (62%), Woranuch Wongsawan (61%), Tara Reid (61%), Ayumi Hamasaki (60%), Alyson Hannigan (60%)

Three celebs made it onto the list twice: Ha Ji-won, Woranuch Wongsawan, and Alyson Hannigan. In order:


I guess it's a long shot, but at least I feel pretty. :-)

P.S. Everybody seems to have had reasons not to post this week. That's understandable; it happens ... although it was weird that it happened to several people at once.

My reason for being so half-hearted: I may be losing Fred and I'm kind of, well, distraught. She means a lot to me. Six weeks seems to be the shelf life of transient friends around here. Somebody shoot me.

A little puzzle-lovin' goodness

Hey, you people who used to play Puzzle Donkey with me? Yeah, you know who you are. I really want to start mushing up my brain again, and I don't want to do it alone. And for those of you who never started PD, don't think you're exempt. Please play. Please, please, please? Working together really helps, and I can't work together when I'm all alone.

But wait! There's more!

There's another really good reason to be brain-bending right now. Google has paired up with Sony Pictures to promote The Da Vinci Code film, which starts May 19. A 24-day puzzle-a-thon began April 17. Puzzles become more difficult as the May 11 deadline approaches. The first 10,000 people to finish get a replica of the Cryptex used in the film AND proceed to a five-puzzle final round. The first one to crack all five puzzles wins a $128,000 prize pack (European trip, 40" LCD HDTV, laptop, GPS, etc.).

Who's in with me?

And what about the Ten Commandments??

Yay for lossy images ... but I just had to share this. Found it and took a screencap while I was poking around Google News today for interesting local stories. In its defense, GN is powered by a (usually) very intelligent bot. But, come on, what are we saying here?

• Voters must wrestle with sticky rules and Moses's Red Sea-parting rod? (I'd like to see him part the muddy Mississippi with that thing.)
  
• Moses will lead Katrina victims through the desert for 40 years on a quest to find the Promised Land? (Land of milk and honey? Try the land of Hurricanes and beignets!)
  
• Voters can elect Moses as Supreme Leader, who will then visit the 10 Plagues of Egypt upon Michael Brown, FEMA, and all of Washington. (Yay for boils! And frogs! And locusts!!)
  
• Or, perhaps, Moses caused Katrina — a theory that merits more study, considering that some crazy people think that Katrina took on the form of a 6-week-old fetus as it trampled over the evils of New Orleans. (See original blog post here.)

Hmmmmm... theories?

Consider this Jeopardy fodder

Six random factoids
(and a cute picture of Fred)

— Women's hair is less dense and grows more slowly than men's. And it grows even slower than that if you just got a bad haircut.

— Four elements are liquid at room temperature: mercury, bromine, gallium and cesium. (Although not an element, it's worth noting that ice is also a liquid at room temperature.)

— Cats purr at the same frequency as an idling diesel engine. Fred purrs as loud as a diesel engine, but doesn't smell as bad anymore since she got her flatulence problem under control.

— Beethoven, Mozart, Schoenberg, Schubert, Stravinsky and Wagner were all 5'5" or shorter. I don't know the height of my favorite composer, Haydn. Also: Chevy Chase, Conan O'Brien, and Clint Eastwood: each 6'4"; Craig Kilborn, Ryan Stiles, Howard Stern, and Nikola Tesla: 6'5"; Michael Jordan: 6'6"; Hulk Hogan and Joey Ramone: 6'7".

— 1,084 is the first English number listing all five vowels in order. Witness: One thousand eighty four.

— Honey doesn't spoil. Well, unless you leave the honeycomb in. Oh ... also, honey contains minute amounts of temperature-resistant spores of Clostridium botulinum. So if you're planning on being completely anaerobic for long periods of time, watch out for botulism. ::grins::

Anyone have any un-pertinent facts you care to get off your back?

I cannot express how incredibly happy I am right now

Okay, I'm going to work on the premise here that Jeremy doesn't read my blog very often ... okay, like never ... and I don't have anybody else to tell except you guys, and I don't keep secrets very well.

For Christmas, Jeremy bought me a copy of "The Sound of Her Wings" (Sandman #8), which has incredible cover art and contains the debut of Dream's sister, Death.

I can't remember if I bought him a Christmas present. Assuming I didn't (which is probably the case), I'm making up for it now. I picked up a copy of "The Tempest" (Sandman #75) signed by Neil Gaiman and Charlie Vess.

For those who have read Sandman but have forgotten, this is the last bout with Shakespeare after The Wake. My favorite quote from it is "... he did not understand the price — mortals never do. They only see the prize, their heart’s desire, their dream. But the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted."

The issue was a top contender for the Comics Buyer's Guide Fan Award for Favorite Comic-Book Story of 1997, and Vess won a '96 Eisner Award for best penciler/inker for the issue. In other words, finding a first edition signed by both of them is quite a catch. :)

I feel like such a comic book nerd saying all that, but Sandman has made a big impact on my life. Jeremy lost all his trade paperbacks when he and Sara split — she threw out all his things — and I think this'll be a nice Christmas gift. Of course, if I did buy him a Christmas gift and I'm just having a brain fart remembering it, then this will be a nice not-Christmas gift.

Yeah, I could do a little dance. Can't wait for it to get here. ... And on the off-chance you're reading this, Jeremy, you might as well go on and tell me so that I don't have to keep it a secret anymore. :D

Happy Thursday, a.k.a. "Kate's favorite day of the week and she won't tell anybody why." <3

I can't believe...

... Jeremy's gotten me hooked on Lost. Hooked hooked. Like going-to-grab-Season-1-DVDs hooked.

It's paused on the TiVo right now. I gotta go watch it now before the hydrocodone kicks in. Also, I'm going to make some lipstick tonight. Results tomorrow.

Cough cough, sputter sputter

Bad news: I just found out I have a sinus infection and bronchitis.
(Stupid springtime.)

Good news: I get one of my three medications FREE. Yay!
--katesink

Actual Monday-afternoon conversation

Jeremy: Hey ...
Me: Hey.
Jeremy: Y'all hiring someone new?
Me: Umm ... check Monster. Why? Wanting a change?
Jeremy: No... ::laughs:: Someone who's supposed to start Wednesday? I mean have you hired somebody new recently?
Me: Lemme check. I have an e-mail from my boss titled "People, people, people." :p
Jeremy: Ahhhh. :p
Me: Melinda, Tiena, Darryl or David?
Jeremy: David. What's he going to be doing?
Me: He'll be my boss's boss.
Jeremy: Wow. :p
Me: Why?
Jeremy: I'm working on his PC.
Me: Right now?
Jeremy: Yep. Sitting in his office. (At his house.)
Me: The copy editor says hi!
Jeremy: ::laughs softly:: Already talked to him about you.

Yeah... that's just what I need. The new boss talking to somebody who, after 14 years, knows abso-effing-lutely every detail of my personal life, right down to where I keep my [edited out].

Fibbing for a good cause

Poetry time! Slashdot ran a piece today on Fibs, poems based on the Fibonocci sequence. It's the perfect example of geek artistry.

If memory serves, FF is more of a Fibonacci nerd, while I always had a thing for Nikola Tesla (close second: that crazy cat Tycho Brahe). But fortunately, you don't have to know much math to write a fib. Just the first six numbers of the Fibonacci sequence: 1-1-2-3-5-8.

Think of it as haiku on crack, except it's not all nature-y or anything. You can write about stuff like watch batteries or Angelina Jolie or stinky cat farts.

Here's mine, a poem based on the emotional near-breakdown I had in my driveway last night. (It's okay; it has a happy ending!)

My
Fred
Last night
Was wearing
Somebody's collar.
Oh nevermind, it wasn't you.

And now for something completely different:

A few friends and I got together last night to see a big shot high school buddy briefly gracing us with his presence in Memphis. We've all moved on with our lives (well, mostly), but it's nice to find out we all have so much in common that we'd probably be friends even if we hadn't known each other a decade ago.

This was the best photo of the bunch. Don't know what's being pointed at because I was just trying to get my camera to work. (Err, I suppose I shouldn't say it's the best photo, because they might be kind of offended that their legs are more attractive than their faces.) I keed! I keed!

Meeting the business end

Posting from the SideKick this morning because I spent almost all my breakfast time taking care of Fred.

She's not yet weaned, and guess what looks like a nipple? Human toes and fingers, the remote control, a screwdriver handle, the corner of a pillow, and Jeremy's SideKick (I hid mine away).

Also, she farts. A lot. I'm trying to cut her milk because I know that can contribute to cat-gas, but she doesn't like water much yet. Looks like I'll have to use Lactaid in the meantime.

And holy schnikies, her farts are horrible. Eww, eww, eww. How can such a little cat emit such a big stink??

Get out the confetti?

Did anyone stay up for 01:02:03 04/05/06? I was sleeping ... like a sane person.

Anyway, what's the big deal? Wasn't there some hoopla about 01/02/03 04:05:06? Guess it doesn't really matter; I didn't celebrate that either.

You're not fat ... you're just full of neutrinos!

COSMIC GALL

Neutrinos, they are very small.
They have no charge and have no mass
And do not interact at all.
The earth is just a silly ball
To them, through which they simply pass,
Like dustmaids down a drafty hall
Or photons through a sheet of glass.
They snub the most exquisite gas,
Ignore the most substantial wall,
Cold shoulder steel and sounding brass,
Insult the stallion in his stall,
And, scorning barriers of class,
Infiltrate you and me. Like tall
And painless guillotines they fall
Down through our heads into the grass.
At night, they enter at Nepal
And pierce the lover and his lass
From underneath the bed - you call
It wonderful; I call it crass.
- John Updike

Thursday, the smarties at Fermilab's MINOS project released the first results of new neutrino experiments: "Blah blah oscillation, blah blah disappearance, blah blah blah blah — oh yeah, and by the way, we've confirmed neutrinos have mass."

Throw your standard model out the door. It just became more obsolete than your Commodore 64. (I know, I know ... that's a "collector's item.")

Why should you care? Because the sun produces two hundred trillion trillion trillion neutrinos every second — in fact, every second, billions are shooting their way through your body. And if they all have mass ...

... well, goshdarnit, you're not fat, you're just weighted down by extra neutrino mass!

Okay, not really. But there are plenty of stupid people in the world, and they won't know the difference.

Paul's Safety Tips for Hail Storms

In case you didn't know, there are some pretty serious thunderstorms moving through the central midwest part of the nation tonight (Missouri, Tennessee, Arkansas, Kentucky, and probably some others). But, thats not what's important.

We managed to get some hail at our house, and we were looking out the front door and saw what looked like a VERY large chunk of hail on the sidewalk strip of grass of our lawn. Kate said, and i quote "OMG OMG OMG THATS A HUGE PIECE OF HAIL, ITS LIKE A BASKETBALL" and me, in my infinite awesome observing skills, said "Where, i don't see it."

To solve this massively important dilemma, i suited up in my ultra protective gear (Umbrella) and ran out to see this garbage can size chunk of hail.

I was sad when it was only a piece of broken plastic. But i perservered in the face of the horrible weather, like Anderson Cooper, and all those hurricanes. I'm so brave.

P.S. Enjoy the awesomeness that is my post while you can. Kate returns tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.